I'm in a good art phase I think. Yippee! And this is actually pretty conceptual compared to most of my work---it actually has meaning.
So "borgne" is the French word for "one-eyed".
Almost three years ago (as some of you may know), I've been seeing thousands of little grey dots (commonly called "flies" because they look like tiny insects flying around) everywhere. I was diagnosed with a condition that was totally benign and that would eventually disappear within the next year.
Two years later it still hadn't gone, so I went elsewhere to get a new diagnosis, just in case. I spent most of my Christmas vacation in 2009 doing tests and blood samples and such, because it might have been symptomatic of tuberculosis or hepatitis or great diseases like that, nothing too reassuring. Turned out I had nothing big, except that one inflammation in my right eye, that could eventually damage my vision but that could be fixed if it happened. The dots would also disappear eventually.
And then, two weeks ago, it worsened A LOT. The grey dots tripled in number and size and are now darker and more visible. There's one right smack in the middle of my vision that's about the size of a toonie (two-dollar coin in Canada), and it's creepy because I can actually see it in full 3D---it's kinda hard to explain, I guess the easiest way I could put it is that it looks like a jellyfish is swimming in front of me. And then I began seeing bright lines on the edge of my vision (like lightning strikes), and that put me in a state of total panic because it's a sign that the retina is being pulled on, and that may cause blindness.
So for a few days I naively waited and hoped for it to disappear on its own, but since it didn't, I began to picture the surgical procedures that awaited me and I even fell in random states of delirium where I would try walking and drawing while covering my right eye, just to see how well I could cope, and then I'd try to convince myself it wasn't so terrible.
Well, turns out there's nothing alarming about it after all. The symptoms I have could mean bad news, but my retina is doing just fine right now. I just have to stay alert for more drastic changes and have my eye checked once a year, but my ophthalmologist's positive that it'll eventually disappear over the years. In the meantime it still bugs me a lot, but I feel I have no real reason to complain, as it doesn't prevent me from doing the things I love and working as a visual artist. It's crazy how you don't realize how precious vision really is until it's in jeopardy. I can't help but admire those who were born/became blind but still live normal lives and enjoy living. I have a great lesson to learn from them.
So there. I painted this to illustrate what I went through and it made me feel better.
India ink, poster paint, Photoshop CS4